What Is Schizoaffective Disorder?

by GirlShrink · 69 comments

in Relationship Dating,Schizoaffective Disorder

Schizoaffective disorder is a psychiatric diagnosis describing a situation where both the symptoms of mood disorder and psychosis are present. The disorder usually begins in early adulthood, and is more common in women. There are two sub-types of schizoaffective disorder: the bipolar type type and the depressive type. The bipolar type has a better prognosis than the depressive type, which can have a residual defect with the passing of time. Bipolar schizoaffective disorder is more similar to bipolar disorder than schizophrenia. People with bipolar disorder may also suffer from isolated episodes of schizoaffective disorders.

Signs & Symptoms of Schizoaffective Disorder
The following are the criteria for a diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV):

A. Two (or more) of the following symptoms are present for the majority of a one-month period:

delusions
hallucinations
disorganized speech (e.g., frequent derailment or incoherence)
grossly disorganized or catatonic behavior
negative symptoms (i.e., affective flattening, alogia, or avolition)

Note: Only one of these symptoms is required if delusions are bizarre or hallucinations consist of a voice keeping up a running commentary on the person’s behavior or thoughts, or two or more voices conversing with each other.

AND at some time there is either a:

major depressive episode
manic episode
mixed episode

B. During the same period of illness, there have been delusions or hallucinations for at least two weeks in the absence of prominent mood symptoms.

C. Symptoms that meet criteria for a mood episode are present for a substantial portion of the total duration of the active and residual periods of the illness.

D. The disturbance is not due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (e.g., a drug of abuse, a medication) or a general medical condition.

Types:
Bipolar Type – if the disturbance includes:
manic episode
mixed episode
manic and major depressive episodes
mixed and major depressive episode

Depressive Type – if the disturbance inludes major depressive episodes exclusively.

Treatment for Schizoaffective Disorder
The psychiatric treatment for schizoaffective disorder is a combination of therapy and medicine. A licensed psychiatrist will prescribe different combinations of medicine to the patient in order to find the combination that works. Each person responds differently to medicine.

Common medicines used to treat schizoaffective disorder:
Depakote ER
Lithium
Risperdal
Seroquel
Abilify

Often a sleeping pill will initially be prescribed to allow the patient rest from his or her anxiety or hallucinations.

Lisa Angelettie, M.S.W., is a psychotherapist, author, and life coach. She has been helping people make smarter life choices since 1998. Get more free tips like this when you subscribe to the GirlShrink newsletter .

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Newer Comments →
  • Janet Greene

    I am in a new relationship with a man with Schizoaffective Disorder – any advice for me? For example, what should I do when he is paranoid, or a bit catatonic and unreachable?

  • GirlShrink

    This can be a difficult relationship to be in, because you must be prepared that when he is paranoid or unreachable that there is nothing you can really. Many will try to talk a person through a paranoid episode, and sometimes that can work, but it probably works better from a family member who has years experience walking through the paranoia with their loved ones. Your best bet is to go into this relationship knowing that there will be times that you will need to give your partner space, walk away, and be okay with that. Your time with him will begin to center around his moods and mental status. You must have patience and go in knowing that this will be the case. All my best to you in your relationship Janet!

  • HILAA

    My boyfriend (diagnosed w/schizoaffective disorder) was convinced I was cheating on him and emotionally did a complete 180, moved way away to another location, and before he left, found another woman to take with him. I’m devastated beyond anything comprehensible. I never touched another man and am so confused and in pain to have lost him. I heard the following: “the untreated individual may quickly change their mind about their romantic partner if they see or hear something negative about them, as a result they may attack or isolate themselves from the person until they regain normal thoughts, which takes time and treatment.” Does this sound right? It is not described in the ‘classic symptoms’.

  • GirlShrink

    Hi – this does sound accurate although I highly recommend that you talk to a psychologist or psychiatrist in your area. You can even call your local hospital and ask for a referral to just speak to. At the end of the day, it’s pretty safe to say that this isn’t normal or logical behavior and that his mental illness is behind it. You may have to think about moving on because there is nothing you can do on your end to control his delusions and behavior.

  • http://facebook.com/werddd brittney

    My boyfriend of 5 months has the bi polar type schizoaffective disorder. He is on A LOT of meds that’s he takes every morning and every night which make him tired. He has never lost it with me, in fact, he is the calm one in the relationship. I tend to start a fight and he just listens and calmy responds. I love you so much and can really see myself with him for the rest of my life. The only thing I noticed is he get frustrated very easily and seems to want to give up but I always talk him out of those things. Also, he never got his high school diploma because he just couldn’t keep up. He can read well its just his spelling and math are horrible. He is working on getting his GED but that’s one of those things he always wants to give up on.
    I just wanted to share my story to let people know it can work out in a relationship you just have to be there for them and be encouraging.

  • http://facebook.com/werddd brittney

    Obviously I meant to put I lobe him so much. I type too fast haha.

  • GirlShrink

    Thanks for this comment Brittney. It’s good to hear an encouraging story of how relationships CAN work out with people who suffer from mental disorders. For the most part, many people live normal lives when they find the right medication. That is the key.

  • Sam

    I have a friend with schizoaffective disorder. He was diagnosed last year after suffering a breakdown. He seems to be going through a relapse of some sort right now and he has cut me off completely. He won’t answer my calls or respond to email. When he had his breakdown last year, he kept in touch by writing short emails letting me know he was fine. This time he warned me that I wouldn’t be hearing from him. I have been sending him emails just letting him know that I’m there. Nothing yet. What do I do? Do I just wait it out? Is it possible I may never hear from him again? I’m just not sure how to handle the situation and I don’t want to make his paranoia worse by writing too much. Any advice?

  • Jennifer

    Hi GirlShrink,
    I suffer with schizoaffective disorder. My mental illness first surfaced when I was 16 years old. Now I am 37. Through out the years, I have had problems maintaining relationships and I always felt ashmed of myself. When I was younger and busy, I isolated myself from everyone because I was angry about them telling me I had a mental illness. Now I feel sad and stupid. (I lost my job and apartment due to the mental illness symtoms and lack of good communication skills.) For about 10 years I refused to take medicaton or admit I had a mental illness. Over the years, I should have surrounded myself with family and friends and sought the right treatment, but I didn’t because of negative thinking and emotions. Now I really feel like a failure (personally and professionally). I have a few close family and friends that help me very much but I still feel out of the loop and lonely. I live with my mother and step-father again and attend a partial-care program for people with mental illness. How can I overcome the failure and loneliness? I am also divorced and do not have any children. I do not have a college education and would like to get one. Do you think that will help? Eventhough I take medication, I still hear voices. At one time, I didn’t hear voices and was content with my life. Do you think I could ever get back to that? This is the first time in my life that a doubt myself and my abilities.

  • GirlShrink

    Give him the room he needs to deal with this period of his illness and allow him to come back to you. You can check on him from afar if you know any of his family etc., but give him the space he needs. If he was a major friend or part of your life you may need to talk to someone professionally to simply manage your loss (because that’s what it is at this point) and share your feelings.

  • GirlShrink

    You are a very STRONG person. Don’t doubt that. The fact that you have admitted to yourself that you have a mental illness (which is nothing to be ashamed of – it’s as if you had diabetes or lupus) is wonderful. You have a made a huge step towards living a fulfilled life. There are many 37 year olds without a mental illness who have achieved far less than you. Trust me:) If you want to go to college and get your degree about something you’re passionate about, then by all means you should. You will probably feel a great sense of accomplishment and create some “joy” in your life. As far as the voices you still hear, I’m sure you realize that that is the nature of your illness. There are peaks and valleys – and hopefully you will get back to the place where you stop hearing them altogether. Make sure that you speak with both your primary physician and your psychiatrist about your meds, the dosage, etc. See if there is any tweaking that can be done. Work with you doctors to find strategies to use when you hear the voices.

  • Reba

    My boyfriend has Schizoaffective Disorder. Recently he got involved with the Scientologists who told him to throw his meds away. He did. I had been with him for a year and he always took his meds. Suddenly, he was wacked out of his head and manic. I took his housekey away and told him to go get meds. This may seem cruel, but I was scared. He went to the park, picked up a girl and had her call me up and call me names. He then gave his cell phone to some psycho stalker who has been making obscene phone calls to me. He called me from the psych ward and want to come back. I said he could, but I am very angry that he would jeopardize my safety in this way. I love him, but I don’t trust him anymore. I’m not stupid.

  • mandy

    I too have a husband who has schizoaffective disorder. WE also live with my parents due to the fact that he has trouble working. We have six kids. One that is ours. He takes the meds invega and high dose of lithium. Invega has been a very good drug for him, actually very good. In general he is very calm and does very well with the kids. He leads a fairly normal life. As a family we camp, watch movies, do school stuff, go to church, family dinners. Just like a good family. The hardest part is he has a hard time working. We have our own business, that is under my name. We fight sometimes over his paranoid tendencies. I have to regroup and remember that he has a mental illness. He is on medicare and medicaid. He has several DRs that treat him. One that says you cant be in a relationship and have schizoaffective. He has been in two other relationships, I say it depends on how much the spouse is willing to help and tolerate and be understanding if a relationship can work out.

  • monica

    hi. my boyfriend of two years was just recently diagnosed schizoaffective depressive. things are usually fine. we get along great. best buds. and then hell just turn into this verbally abusive son of a bitch asshole and is in complete denial of it. it wears me down and out. so i usually just leave for a while but it just keeps happening. i dont know what to do about it. i dont even know if he can control it or bc he cant feel anything that he thinks the things he says dont mean anything. i dont know. is this just always how its going to be?

  • Jen

    Hello, I just stumbled on your site and have reading some of these posts. I have been married to someone who has schizoaffective disorder for a year. We have been lucky; even though he was diagnosed at 14 he has been very high functioning so far. He is able to to pursue an advanced degree, and our relationship has been great. I have a few friendly words of advice to people who pursue relationships with people who have schizoaffective disorder.

    About six months into our relationship, he got really sick and struggled in school. He had a hard time dealing with his emotions. At that point, one has to seriously ask themselves whether they feel their relationship is worth the difficulty. One needs to be realistic and imagine whether you feel like your relationship is worth it if the worst possible situation occurred. If you do–stay strong and do some research. If not–get out immediately. He has been sick twice since we’ve been together. It is difficult especially since I have severe depression, but I have never once doubted my decision.

    If you are in a serious relationship with a person with schizoaffective disorder it is important to talk about what both of you think should happen if the partner has a serious mental breakdown. Under the circumstances a partner becomes abusive, it is important that you distance yourself. It does not mean you are not taking care of them anymore or are not in a relationship anymore–but you cannot subject yourself to living in an abusive situation.

  • sam

    My boyfriend is an amazing man that suffers from schizoaffective disorder, I am in school for nursing and when ever I hear anyone call someone with a metal illness a derogatory name it infuriates me! My boyfriend was barely functioning two years ago… he was unable to even preform simple tasks such as showering or brushing his teeth… now he is working and going back to school… his medication makes the world of difference. He is so smart and funny and I LOVE being around him. I look at him as a person not an illness… I believe his illness is just like any other illness and shouldnt be looked at any differently.

  • Celia

    Realize completely you can’t change it and don’t wait for it to get better. I’ve been worn down by it for years with a man who has schizoaffective disorder and although he’s very unique in talent and intelligence, I find myself putting up with abuse, blaming myself, and having to apologize for his aggressive and strange behaviour, and am trying to find my way out of the relationship.

  • Sandy Marks

    There is much written about how severe mental disorders impact on the life of the patient. However, relatively little research or focus is on the impact of a severe mental disorder (such as schizoaffective disorder) has on others – such as partners and children.

    My advice to anyone “dating” someone with schizoaffective disorder is to make a U turn and start running and don’t stop. If you stay – and worse yet get married and have children you will be in HELL for decades to come. Schizoaffective disorder has its treatments but the patients are often not stable – which mean that you may think you are living with a kind and good person for awhile – but then- out of the blue there is a relapse – and suddenly you are living with someone different – VERY DIFFERENT – someone suspicious, socially avoidant, irrational. No amount of loving attention, patient “talking it through” can influence such a vicious disorder. You will suffer – your children will suffer – it is AWFUL .

    I am speaking from experience – believe me. Women often think that “the love of a good woman” can cure all ills, etc. NOT TRUE.

    Make and U Turn and start running away from this relationship and DON’T STOP.

  • Nida

    my brother was just diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder like 2 days ago. i was online searching about the disorder and just came across this website which is helping me understand better what my family will be dealing with from now on. it’s scary because sometimes my brother just shuts down completely and sometimes he becomes so apathetic and tries to hurt my mom and me by pushing or pinching us, it doesn’t make sense to us but i’m assuming it’s part of the disorder
    anyway this is still new for us and each day he seems to display a new symptom so i hope he can start his meds asap so we can see some improvement in him

  • shai

    Just reading some of the postings here really is hurtful. i suffer from Schizoaffective bipolar Disorder and it is absolute torture. It is a horrible feeling to know you are the reason so many people around you are miserable because of you. The worse is knowing this and not being able to make it better no matter how hard you try. It’s like your mind is your own worst enemy. YOU ARE LITERALLY A PRISONER OF YOUR MIND. i am with a man now that I really love and I know I am driving him away. Even with meds and therapy Iit’s difficult. The side effects of the medication alone are a problem. As bad as people like me can be, we still crave love and acceptance and probably need it more than the norm. I hope people read this and realize people with mental illness need others that won’t give up on us. in sone ways it’s more difficult because a mental illness is not something poeple pysically see like a physical illness which is easier for society to accept and deal wth.

  • Kelly

    I’m not sure if anyone will even read this since it looks like nobody has posted on here in a while but i was elated when i came across this website. My fiance is diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder and until now I really felt like I was the only one who was in this type of situation. We’ve been together for a year and we were suppose to be getting married at the end of this month but we had to postpone the wedding due to his recent hospitalization. He wasn’t taking his meds the right way and he relapsed. He spent almost 48 hours yelling and screaming and not making much sense, I came home for lunch and he had completely tore apart our apt. Threw food everywhere and put everything in a pile in the living room. I had no idea he was capable of being so destructive. I love him more then anything but that afternoon I felt like I was his prisoner. He wasn’t himself at all and I was really afraid for him and for myself.

    I ended up having to involuntarily (302) commiting him to a hospital and because of the state of the apt I had to move back in with my mom. I also had to take our beloved dog back to the spca because he can’t live at my moms with me. And to make matters worse when my fiance gets out of the hospital he has to either go to a halfway house of a rehab center because he can’t stay at my moms…so he’s technically homeless. It’s been one of the most difficult times in my life watching my love slip away from me and himself and not being able to help him. Besides hospitalizing him the rest is out of my hands. And I feel incredibly guilty for him not having a place to stay even thought he’s the reason he doesn’t have a place to stay. I can’t stop feeling guilty. And to make matters worse..there was an incident about a month ago when he got hospitalized the first time and this girl was texting and calling him and apparently when I was at work they were hanging out behind my back…so my trust for him is almost non-existent. I know it’s going to be a long road to recovery and the only thing I can do for him is support him and love him. But if anyone has any advice on how to cope with his disorder and also how to rebuild trust with him please let me know.

  • GirlShrink

    Thank you for this thoughtful post. I think this is something everyone on this site should read. We rarely hear from people who suffer from this disorder.

  • GirlShrink

    This sounds like a really difficult spot to be in Kelly. You are taking a lot of responsibility for things that are out of your control. You have to know that this is a tough disorder for the person afflicted and those that love them. Your boyfriend could be suffering from his own feelings of guilt, on being in a relationship with you and how his disorder affects that relationship. It could be a reason for his infidelity. It could be many other reasons. You will have to build back trust just like any other couple. One day at a time. He will have to prove that he is trustworthy by his actions – not by an promises he may make or any declarations of love.

    As far as your living situation, many couples in your position often live with loved ones due to the fact that relapses do happen. Living on your own with him again may not be something you should do. You may want to live with someone that can help you when the tough times come. So you aren’t stuck like this. As far as his illness, you can only do but so much. Legally you have no rights to do anything in regards to his treatment, so you just have to hope that he stays on course with his meds, doctor’s visits, etc.

    If you guys are really serious, like lifetime serious, you may want to discuss with him a living will detailing you as his legal guardian in case of another incident.

  • mechelle

    My brother has this disorder. I am so tired trying to help him from hurting himself. Today I had to pull the tough Love technique out. He threatned to slit my moms throat. I called the police and he was already gone. Before he left he was talking out of his mind for hours, and when the police picked him up, He new how to be in a right state, But voluntarily commited him-self to a nearby hospital. My poor mom has taken a serious toll from all this. It has been a cat and mouse game for 7 years already. Thank- you for listening. Mechelle

  • Taylor

    I recently got diagnosed with this disorder and its made my life a living hell, every person that has liked me or i have been with has given up on me, they always come out with the same thing “I can’t handle you” or “You’re to paranoid and depressive and i care so much that i can’t see you go through this”. Now tonight me and my best mate who is my ex who i still love we had a massive argument, as i kept questioning her, because i get paranoid if she got with someone else, it kills me to think that, so i ask her questions as i get jealous and paranoid and turn into this evil monster. I love her, but she will never love me as she didn’t in the first place..

  • Sarah

    thank God that i came across this site!Ihave been in a 4 year relationship with a man who has this illness. He has been hospitalized once and gotten off his meds a few other times. he is off his meds now and when he does this he breaks up with me. then comes back begging for me to be with him. this last time he hooked up with another girl days after we split. i knew something was up so i questioned him about it and he finally told me. now i know that we were broke up at the time but it was only days. So i agreed to be with him if he would go to couples therapy. for one i thought it could help with this situation but i also thought it might help him stay on his meds. its like he has a hard time even accepting he has a mental illness he is also a recovering alcoholic so he blames a lot on that. any advice would be appreciated!

  • GirlShrink

    Hi Sarah,
    Welcome. In response to your comment I would ask that you look at your relationship just like you would any other. Are you happy in it? Are you both growing in the same direction? Are you trying to save him? Fix him? change him? You need to know that living with a mental illness is tough. From depression all the way to full-blown schizophrenia. Staying on meds is tough for everyone. No one wants to believe that there is something off balance with their brain chemistry. So I understand why he blames the alcohol. Which of course is you know is a result of him subconsciously trying to medicate his schizoaffective symptoms. At the end of the day, you have to realize that this is an illness you will have to live with as long as you are with this man. Can you live with what that means? If you can – then hang in there and support him as best you can while remembering to nurture and take care of yourself FIRST. If you cannot live with the times that he is off his meds, it may be time to consider whether you can stay in this relationship for the long haul.

    Trying couples therapy and working with his psychiatrist and primary physician are all great ways to stay engaged in the conversation of his illness – and working on repairing what may have been broken during his times off meds. Try everything you can if you want to stay in this relationship. Consider all options and opportunities.

  • Ronnie

    GirlShrink, my brother-in-law has s.a.d. he was wrongly diagnosed from 2005-2008. he’s been getting his risperdal every two weeks, a shot he goes to the hospital for. he hasn’t been in the hospital since. the root of my post is, a woman, who five years ago, threw him in jail during one of his ‘voices’ episodes, is now back in the picture. 1. she suggest he get off all meds. 2. she is doing crack cocaine, getting money from him, and using his apartment( which he just got two months ago, after living over five years at his parents, who are getting old now).3. she is now bringing other addicts over to use. he makes money working for a family business and going thru cash very fast, his bills are behind, and his parents want him to drop the girl. he insists that he won’t and his actions prove this. his nurse knows all this, as I went to the last shot. his nurse with 30 yrs experience, said to drop her as well. as for my family I want nothing to do with a crackhead , being as I have a baby boy now 6 months old, and I am a former addict and alcoholic, sober 2 years. can you suggest boundaries for his parents, and for myself. this whole thing seems to be all about him, as we have been going thru this now for five long years, sick AND well. his age 37, her age 25. please respond

  • GirlShrink

    Thank you for your letter. I think that based on it, you already know that there are some tough boundaries that need to be designed around this relationship. While I understand he is really just getting around to the right treatment for his s.a.d — he is also a grown man that while on medication can make sound decisions for himself…if he wants to. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to realize that someone in your life who wants you to stop taking medication that is keeping you stable and able to manage life – is someone who shouldn’t be in his life. This should be a deal breaker for him – not to mention that she is drug addicted. At the end of the day, all you can do is tell him and show him that you will support his efforts to help himself. And that’s it. Same for his parents. He probably has been enabled much too long – which is why he is having a tough time making the right decisions about his life and who should be in it. Support his efforts to go to the doctor, to live independently, to work, to contribute to society. Don’t support this relationship or anything that goes along with it. And make sure he understands that from both you and his parents.

  • Sulange

    This site is very informative. I will bookmark it.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Glen-Godfrey/100001215106238 Glen Godfrey

    Schizoaffective disorder includes elements of both psychosis and mood disorder. Psychotic symptoms mean a loss of contact with reality, and may include hallucinations (hearing voices or seeing things that are not present), and delusions (false, fixed beliefs). Symptoms of mood disorder include very low or very high mood with sleep disturbances, changes in energy and appetite, disrupted concentration, and generally poor daily function. Schizoaffective illness features a close interconnection between these 2 sets of symptoms.
    http://www.disorderscentral.com/

  • PlangtonPat

    It was nice to read your posting. It is important for a spouse to learn as much as possible about the illness. My wife has had schiozoaffective for 27 years. It is important for me to try to understand what she goes through and that she needs me. We have both said things that hurt however we know we dont mean the things we say. I dont think people with mental illness are bad or mean to treat others bad. Just somtimes there thinking gets a little messed up. We have had our hard times and good times. I am learning to react different to her outbursts. I dont think we should run away but should work harder to understand. I need to be more open to mental illness to change the way people think. I also feel there is little help for caregivers. I could go on and on but I wont give up on my wondrefull wife of 27 years. If we could all come out of the closet about mental illness it would be a better place. You may have a illness but you still diserve all the love and care as anyone else. And remember you are not alone I would love to reach out and give you a hug. Please keep reaching out for help and ask your man to do the same. Take care and god bless.

  • Denisepichel

    I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for a year-he moved in with me in June. Up until mid August we had the most beautiful relationship. We have always been kind, loving and very tentative to eachothers needs. This was a relationship that we built on trust and honesty. His behavior started getting odd in August. He would laugh aloud for no reason at all and would stand in odd places and just stare. Then things started getting worse-he was talking to himself and when I would ask what he was doing he would get very defensive. Then one day I came home from work and he had filled our trash cans with items from the house that he threw away and 2 days later quit his job. There were many odd behaviors going on-too many to list. I repeatedly asked him what was going on through this and even asked him if he was suppose to be on meds that maybe he stopped taking. He denied any changes or meds. Needless to say in late October I told him he cant trust me enough to tell what is going on and allow me to help me and seek help for him ‘that he had to leave the house’ I made him leave. I would go and visit with him at his parents house on my lunch breaks and everytime I saw him his condition was worse. He was walking different and even looked different. His behavior was worse than ever and when I took him out to lunch and the park one Sunday afternoon he proceeded to tell me that I wasn’t the Real Me and many many other bizzare things. I pleaded with his family for the 3 weeks he was staying with them to get him held cause there is something wrong and questioned them about if they noticed his behavior and stuff.
    Long story short…He has suffered from a type of skitsophrenia since his early 20′s but was never diagnosed till 2001. He never told me this. If he had I would of none what was really going on instead of thinking he was a getting wierd from drugs and too much booze. His mother called a PET team and he is now in the hospital. I call him daily and visit at least 2 days a week. He’s been there for 11 days and is still delusional and his condition has not changed. He accepts my phone calls and is always pleased when I visit as he was when I visited him for the 3 wks he was at his parents.
    He doesn’t act like he loves me anymore though…is this part of the psychosis he is in or did he really forget how in love we are. I am sad and confused. Do I still concern myself with him and his recovery or do I move on???

  • Me

    I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for a year-he moved in with me in June. Up until mid August we had the most beautiful relationship. We have always been kind, loving and very tentative to eachothers needs. This was a relationship that we built on trust and honesty. His behavior started getting odd in August. He would laugh aloud for no reason at all and would stand in odd places and just stare. Then things started getting worse-he was talking to himself and when I would ask what he was doing he would get very defensive. Then one day I came home from work and he had filled our trash cans with items from the house that he threw away and 2 days later quit his job. There were many odd behaviors going on-too many to list. I repeatedly asked him what was going on through this and even asked him if he was suppose to be on meds that maybe he stopped taking. He denied any changes or meds. Needless to say in late October I told him he cant trust me enough to tell what is going on and allow me to help me and seek help for him ‘that he had to leave the house’ I made him leave. I would go and visit with him at his parents house on my lunch breaks and everytime I saw him his condition was worse. He was walking different and even looked different. His behavior was worse than ever and when I took him out to lunch and the park one Sunday afternoon he proceeded to tell me that I wasn’t the Real Me and many many other bizzare things. I pleaded with his family for the 3 weeks he was staying with them to get him held cause there is something wrong and questioned them about if they noticed his behavior and stuff.
    Long story short…He has suffered from a type of skitsophrenia since his early 20′s but was never diagnosed till 2001. He never told me this. If he had I would of none what was really going on instead of thinking he was a getting wierd from drugs and too much booze. His mother called a PET team and he is now in the hospital. I call him daily and visit at least 2 days a week. He’s been there for 11 days and is still delusional and his condition has not changed. He accepts my phone calls and is always pleased when I visit as he was when I visited him for the 3 wks he was at his parents.
    He doesn’t act like he loves me anymore though and even claims we have never even made love..is this part of the psychosis he is in or did he really forget how in love we are. I am sad and confused. Do I still concern myself with him and his recovery or do I move on???
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  • Schizoaffectivedisorder

    I’ve been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder when I was 13 and I’ve never really been in a serious relationship but I don’t want to be because there’s much drama and I hate pretty much everyone now. I’m 22 almost 23. I haven’t really gotten better in a long time cause my psychiatrist is terrible and never really helped me and always insults me but hopefully I’ll get referred to a better place. I’m so tired of this and she’s so far away anyways. I’m going to university but I’m just scared of being in a relationship with anyone in case it causes me to drop out. I’d prefer to stay in school. I got bullied all through middle school and high school because I had a mental illness so I guess I think no one will accept me for my mental illness so I never tell anyone and I can’t trust anyone anymore even my closest friends in case they abandon me like all my other “friends” when I got diagnosed when I was 13. I guess I’m thinking now that I also have borderline personality disorder because I have difficulty getting along with everyone, also why I don’t want to be in a relationship. I guess I’d only be ok being in a relationship with someone who had mental illness as well because they’re the only ones that can truly understand what it is to live my life everyday feeling like a failure in many ways. I can’t even do well in university because I’m always exhausted, lack motivation, don’t understand the work. I just want to sleep all day to escape this. all my friends are done university and college and I’m not. I’ll probably be stuck for another 10 years and will ruin my life forever. I just want to be working right now. I feel like I’ll never be stable and my university won’t let me take time off to go to the hospital to get the right medications I guess. I can’t do well at school with these new medications. I’m taking 5 right now. ugh I hope I won’t be a failure in life. I just feel like dying and none of friends care about me at least the ones that drink alcohol, they don’t understand me and never will. although everyone drinks alcohol but the creepy guys I’m friends with, I need to stop being friends with them cause they don’t care about me really and I don’t even know them. I hope I’ll be ok moving on without all these friends just haven’t really made that many at my university that I can keep and I’ve feel a year behind so I need to make new friends ugh. I still want to keep the friends I have at my uni cause they are cool but they don’t keep in contact with me anymore. :( and I can’t be bothered to anymore. :(

  • lipa

    Hi, have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 2 years. He’s 34,
    he was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder when he was 17 years old.
    He was addmitted to the hospital at least 5 times and 0nce 2 years ago.
    We had the most beautiful relationship. We have always been kind, loving
    and very tentative to eachothers needs. This was a relationship that we
    built on trust and honesty. His behavior started getting odd recently.
    He’s mood was changing all the time in last 60 days. He coud not sleep
    very well, he didn’t eat much. He didn’t want to get up from bed or
    suddenly having 100 diffrent ideas for life.. I could see his face was
    changing during the day all the time. He was saying to me that he does
    not love me anymore, and later he want’s to stay with me together!!!!He
    was changing his mind about staying with me or not for last 30 days. I
    felt that something wrong is happening with him, i tried to speak to him
    but he didn’t want to listen about going to see psychiatrist or changing
    his meds.
    I didn’t know what to do beliving everything will be ok and we will go
    to see psychiatrist.
    On 31 of December 2010, we went to the cinema, after the film, which was
    all like about us his mood suddenly changed and he said i don’t know if
    we ment to be together forever.
    I had enough of hearing this all the time, he was saying for 60 days few
    times a week that he’s living but he never did. I asked him to drop me
    off home, because i felt i want to be on my own for the rest of the
    evening. I went home and he was gone. I was really worried about him
    because 4 night before he stopped taking his meds. I was calling him all
    night but he did not answer the phone. I did not sleep all night, beeing
    worried. He came back in the morning totally diffrent. Cold, angry,
    rude, like a stranger, like we have never been together before. I was
    shocked. He said he;s going to stay with his mom for sometime. I asked
    him to stay somewere else, because his mum cound’nt accept me for all
    this time, beeing alwas against me. I didn’t want to loose him. I had a
    feeling that he’s lying, and he did. On New years eve he went to night
    club, got drunk and had sex with someone. I was still hoping everything
    will be ok, he will have some space and think about things but he took
    some of his things saying he’s leaving. I coudnt belive what’s
    happening. I was still hoping that he will change his mind. Im pregnant.
    After 2 weeks yesterday he came back home packed all his things from the
    house and said he has found love of his life in the night club that
    night. I was shocked. We were working together for last 2 years, living
    together, taking care of his kids from previous marriage and im
    pregnant….im left with no money, no work, pregnant.
    When he came yesterday he looked totally diffrent, he was not the same
    person!
    How much of that situation was his illness how much was himself?
    Is it possible he will come back?
    Is he in mixed stage of he’s illness?
    Should i move on?
    Thank you

  • nicole

    Thank you to everyone who has shared on this. My husband of three years was finally diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type. He was diagnosed after spending 8 days in in-patient treatment from being suicidally depressed. As many have stated, his symptoms showed up over time – hating his job, going on sabbatical and not coming back, being irresponsible with his children (he has 2 girls whom we have half-time), picking up other women, excessive drinking and smoking pot. Needless to say, our relationship has gone downhill for the past year and a half as his behavior and moods have been more erratic and self destructive. He has treated me like crap. I’ve hung in there because I have loved him and he’s said he’s sorry and that cycle repeats itself. But it’s taken its toll. I am now financially responsible not only for him but his two children and his alimony he is supposed to pay – because he isn’t working. He had a very high paying job. I resent that all of the responsibilities of our life, including his children, have now fallen to me. It wasn’t the relationship that I signed up for. He isn’t the same person that I fell in love with – which breaks my heart. But my heart isn’t in it.

    However, how could one leave someone after this kind of diagnosis? I can’t figure out how I could do that because he would relapse. Or he thinks he would. I love him but being in love with him is not the same now. i feel like a shell of myself and here as a caretaker. I know he is trying with his new medications and therapy but the damage is there.

    What do you do? If you save yourself but you know you’ll cause damage in the process?

  • http://LisaAngelettieBlog.com Lisa Angelettie

    You have to ask yourself if you can still support your husband as an “ex” and still move on and move forward with your life. I think that you could. Just because you divorce and move on doesn’t mean that you cannot be there for him as a human being and friend who still cares for him and wants the best for him. THere are just limits to that support.

  • Ttrabert

    My husband of six years was diagnosed about two years ago after being hospitalized as schizoeffective. We had a 18 month old daughter and I was pregnant with our second. So now they are 3 and 1. Which is stressful in itself, but I also have to deal with his illness. It puts a lot of stress on me, I know it sounds selfish but it is constant what his illness does. I saw another post about how it is a “get out of jail free card”. It is always “well I am sick you know” to everything that has to do with life. About six months ago it all became too much and he is now on SSDI and cannot work. I was prior to this a stay at home mom since my first kid was born. But now I have to go to work so we can live. And he says he can watch the kids. But it is sooo bad, he is constantly complaining and yelling at the kids and it stresses me out. A few days ago I told him that he needed to go away and possibly appreciate his life and see if kids and a family is too much for him to deal with. My stress level, just having him not here to deal with, has gone way down. I just don’t know if I want to deal with it anymore.
    In the last 6 months he has started therapy and pretty much quit drinking but I think maybe it is just him that I am not happy with. How can I just give up and start over, but I don’t ever think it will get better!

  • Rbrt0

    seek enlightenment! that will free you

  • Hopeful Mom

    My son was diagnosed with Schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type, around 6 yrs ago.
    I am his mom and have been taking care of him ever since. He had to quit work after
    trying to hold one job after another. He holds two collage degrees and is really smart
    in computers. The disorder was relentless the first two years, with the doctors switching
    meds, trying to get the right cocktail. He had many hospitalizations, and had the whole
    bit of symptoms; voices, depression, mania, sleep disturbances, etc. I want to let
    anyone suffering this disease, to know that it can get better. The Risperdal and Chlonipin
    has been the best so far, for him. He also has features of Aspergers but has not been
    diagnosed with it yet. He is able to attend a few collage classes a week now and mainly
    does this to help with his recovery, gets him out of the house and around people again.
    His dad helps alot with him also and takes him on fishing trips that really seem to boost
    his spirits. This disease trys to rob the person of their personality and to take over their
    whole being. But please if you have a loved one with this, try to be longsuffering and
    patient, and don’t let the disease win. Find out what helps and makes it better. Even
    if it takes years to do it. And to all the caretakers out there, take care of yourself too.
    I could write forever about all that we have been thru, but will make this short. It is
    a job to help someone with this disorder, but giving up would be unbearable, when you
    love them. Stay strong. Take every day as it comes, always hope for the best. And I
    pray for guidance and protection sometimes too.

  • LThomas

    Your situation is so simalar to mine, I’ve got 3 kids, and can’t rely on hubby for anything, Have you got family who can pick up the slack with the kids to give you some time out? At the end of the day you can’t do it all on your own and even though it is not his fault, you have to think what is best for you and the kids. I still haven’t decided, but am thankfull that my Mum is moving closer to help me. You are not alone. Stay stronge for yourself but it’s ok to cry too for your loss.Thinking of you.

  • Mahadevan

    GirlShrink, My wife claims she has schizoaffective disorder. I had married her in 2008. Since marriage, I know that she has been living with the help of psychiatric drugs. Twice after marriage, she stopped taking the medicines for a two or three days and I guess because of that her illness relapsed. She had to be hospitalized. She has made a few suicide attempts. At the same time, she seems to be a normal person during the days she takes her medication regularly. But she is a very insecure person. Neither has she been able to do the house work properly. Even during her normal days, she quarrels with me a lot. She has also a low self-esteem. One thing which I am at loss to know is she behaves like a rebellious child even during normal days. Is it also caused by brain disorder? Even during normal days she has made two suicide threats forcing me to give money to her. Every time after living with me for two months she would go to live with her parents.She is never trying to learn anything. If at all I have love for her, that is because I could develop better self-esteem and got a new found ability to deal with people of WS. Yet I would say we have limited love life. She claims always that her parents and her brother are far superior to me. Is she behaving in these ways because of her schizoaffective disorder? Can a person with this type of illness could not become a functioning adult during her normal days when she is in proper medication? Is it because of this disorder she is not able to take responsibilities for herself? Is it because of this disorder she is a needy person?

  • http://LisaAngelettieBlog.com Lisa Angelettie

    Hello,
    Schizoaffective disorder is a serious mental health disorder because it is not widely understood by professionals due to its mixture of schizophrenic and mood disorder symptoms. It is probably going to be very hard to made a definitive judgment on what actions are as a result of her disorder and what are simply her core personality. In the end, it doesn’t really matter. You will need to work hard everyday in your marriage and realize that there will be times when your off goes “off” medication. Those may be tough days. And there may be others even when she’s on medication. The first thing I recommend is that the two of you go to regular counseling together. This will help keep her on meds and monitor where she’s at from week to week (as far as mood). This can also help support you in being in a relationship with someone with this disorder.
    -GirlShrink

  • Mahadevan

    Girlshrink, Thanks for replying. I have got clarifications in some area. I have just one question. Am I therefore to accept that my wife’s behavior like a rebellious teenager can be or cannot be because of her SA disorder?

  • http://LisaAngelettieBlog.com Lisa Angelettie

    I think it’s safe to say that many of her behaviors are related to her disorder, but again, they could be traits that are part of her core personality heightened by the disorder. Either way, I don’t want you to look at this as if she stays on her meds she will not exhibit any of these behaviors ever again. That’s probably not going to be the case although she will be able to manage her symptoms much better.

  • josh

    one thing you must always take your medicine, and never trust your illness, i think theres hope if he stops drinking, and takes his meds on time, keep faith in him, and do your best to guide him. josh, a person with the illness

  • AlexM

    I just wanted to post my two cents here. I grew up with a mother who was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder later in life.  My parents divorced when I was 3 so it was just me and her.  I know she loved me as best as she could but I will tell you that at the time it was hell living with her.  She never got treatment for her condition and would drink to help her deal with her pain.  This in turn made her symptoms more severe and made her become verbally and emotionally abusive towards me.

    I didn’t know she was mentally ill and couldn’t understand what on earth was going on.  Living with a mentally person, when neither of them know they are mentally ill, is literally crazy making.  I as a child took everything she said as truth especially since her delusions were what I would consider within the range of normal (i.e. my friend Susan hates me, Steve is in love with me, etc) even though what I saw led me to believe otherwise.

    Fast forward many years when I had to have her hospitalized in a psychiatric ward in 2003 where I found out she was schizoaffective.  Everything finally made sense.  However the damage was done.  I loved her (she passed away 2 years ago) with all my heart but her verbal and emotional abuse of me was pretty bad.  I guess the only reason I could still love her is that in between her “episodes” I saw the woman that would have been my mother were she not ill; a kind, intelligent, loving woman.  I have been in therapy for 6 years trying to heal the damage that was done.  I have forgiven her but the memories remain.

    She had few friends and no family other than me, my better half and my in laws.  I realize that each person is an individual and each person will act and behave in their own way.  I suppose that my mother could have behaved differently even though mentally ill.  That being said, if you are thinking about getting into a relationship with someone who has been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, just make sure you know what you are getting into. It can be very difficult to deal with them and if you try to dissuade them from their delusion they can become argumentative and angry.  I know that based on my experience with my mom I could never be in a relationship with someone who is severely mentally ill – it would be too painful for me.

  • hopeless situation

    I need some advise.  I have fallen in love with a man who lives in another city.  His 23 year old son has just been diagnosed with Shizoidaffective dissorder.  He is on meds now and living at his moms but my man believes his mom will give up on him and he will have to take over his care.  I have a 9 year old daughter who I adopted.  Shes so happy.  My man wants me to committ to moving to his city, getting a new job, buying a house and committ to telling him his son with this disorder can live with us anytime he relapses and needs our help.  I love this man but I am afraid.  His son has never lived independently and ha s no skills to get a job never worked a day in his life.  I understand my man’s need to want to help his son.  I can’t committ to maybe a life time of having my focus and my daughters be the care of his son.  I want us to live separately.  My man is demanding we be a family and I will need to see his son as my own.  I’m devistated that I have to make this choice.  Please advise.

  • Elaia

    So I just found out my husband has Schizoaffective he is in the hospital right now… I am really anxous about his return our life , our future if they will treat huim correctly and who he is i have so many questions…he is a sweet man but when he is having an episode he is not…how do you handle being married?

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