Are You In A Healthy Relationship?
Take The C.O.R.E. Quiz
Both men and women have visited GirlShrink and asked over and over, how do they know if they are in a relationship worth saving. The modern view of relationships these days has many people believing that if things just don’t “click” and it’s too much work – then it isn’t a good relationship. We strongly disagree with that.
As people mature and hopefully experience growth throughout their lives – you have to work to stay connected and in sync in your relationships. Communication is vital. And the desire to make it work has to be shared by both people.
Is your relationship in crisis right now? Well, these are the four things that we suggest should exist in order for you to keep fighting for it. We call it the C.O.R.E. of any good relationship.
1. Communication – As long as there is some talking, yelling, crying with each other there is communication. That means that there is still at attempt by both parties to be heard and to be understood. If your partner is not talking, not acknowledging the downward spiral of your relationship – then you are in trouble. Your partner may be checking out emotionally of the relationship.
2. Okay – You and your partner have to be willing to accept that it is okay for the other person to have their own opinions, feelings, perspective, etc. And it is okay for that person to be angry or hurt or confused. If you find that you are okay with some things about your partner – but not others – then at least you are not in total dislike with who they are and what they stand for.
3. Respect – If there is not physical or mental abuse and you still have feelings of respect for the other person as a parent, as a professional, as a human being — then you are on some solid ground. Respect for the other person is crucial when trying to save a relationship that has lost its way.
4. Enthusiasm – You and your partner, even in anger, have to have some enthusiasm about each other and/or about holding onto the relationship. One person cannot save a relationship. Let’s repeat that. One person cannot save a relationship. If your partner is still engaging with you, if there is still some intimacy (of any kind), if your partner has vocalized that he wants it to work — then we believe you’ve got yourself a bit of enthusiasm.
Results:
- If your relationship contains all four of these elements, then why are you here:) Your relationship is in a good place and with regular C.O.R.E. communication, you should continue to see if flourish. You may even want to consider taking your relationship to the next level by a larger commitment such as living together, marriage, or having a child.
- If you are only missing one of these C.O.R.E. elements of your relationship, then you are still in a very manageable place. Working on one issue is quite easy when both parties are willing to put the work in. Just make sure you stay consistent in working on the missing element and all should be well with you both.
- If you are missing two or three of the C.O.R.E. elements, then you are in trouble. You both may have grown apart or he was the wrong person from the beginning. Perhaps you are in a bad relationship and you just haven’t faced the facts that it isn’t going to work. I believe in hard work and dedication – but when so many elements are missing – I believe that there is someone who just isn’t willing or able to do what is necessary to keep this relationship alive.
- If you are missing all of the C.O.R.E. elements, then you need to get out of your relationship fast. It’s a catastrophe waiting to happen. You both are holding on for very wrong reasons. Think about how you met. What brought you together. Why you stay. What are you getting out of this relationship? What is he getting out of it? Does it make you happy?
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