As you can probably imagine, people are always asking me for dating tips. I could go on all day, but I want to highlight some of my current favorites. People can be intimidated by dating for many reasons. Perhaps you had a bad breakup or a divorce and you’re terrified of getting your heart broken again. Maybe you have some self-confidence issues and wonder what anyone would see in you. Whatever the case, if you wouldn’t know what to say to someone you wanted to date, keep these things in mind.
*Start out by knowing what you DON’T want. Make a list of deal-breakers, things you absolutely can’t tolerate in a mate. Maybe for you it’s smoking, or drugs, or gambling. Whatever doesn’t work for you, write it down (for tips on how to do this effectively, get a copy of Hindsight, What You Need to Know Before You Drop Your Drawers.)
*Remember that you are not a product on display. Don’t turn your dating technique into a sales pitch.
*Being desperate will get you nowhere fast! Slow yourself down and thing things through before doing anything drastic. We all have times when we feel the rush of infatuation and want to jump right in, but remember a time when you did that and then regretted it soon after? If someone really is right for you, then it’s not necessary to rush things. Slow down, pause, take a breather, step back. Just because someone seems perfect right now doesn’t mean you should go off the deep end right away.
*Remember that this is not a competition! There are 1.45 million potential mates for everyone who is out there looking. So don’t use your energy for jealousy or competitive spite – there’s enough love to go around, and then some!
*Start preparing now for your new relationship by getting your mind and soul ready. This means making a daily practice of clearing out the old and being open for the new. Get rid of those old memories of a traumatic past, and clear the way for a brighter future!
*Remember that what you show people most is what they will value in you. Don’t push your sex appeal unless that’s what you want to be valued for!
*When you’re around a potential partner, as yourself how you feel. Do you like who you are around them? Do they bring out the best in you, or the worst? Do you find yourself compromising your normal behavior to try to fit in with them? There’s a fine line between fear and excitement – learn to spot the subtle differences. You want to feel invigorated and comfortable, not anxious and insecure!
*If you found someone you like, find out what they bring to the table. You know what your contributions are – what about theirs? Last thing you want is a lopsided relationship where it’s all you give and they take.
*Don’t make it more difficult than it is – let yourself be drawn toward people who think you’re easy to love! I used to worry that I needed to modify my big, sensitive nature to attract people, but it turns out that the right person, my husband, loves my big, sensitive nature!
*Find out if you and this person are on the same page BEFORE you have sex. A relationship builds up to sex, not the other way around.
*Be safe, be smart, and use common sense. You want to set yourself up to succeed!
But my number one tip, and probably the hardest one to learn and put into successful practice, is this: Great relationships begin within!®
If you want some “inner-viewing” tips, go to www.maryannelive.com and sign up for Maryanne’s new webinar series starting June 14. You can watch her doing one of the things she does best, asking the IMPORTANT questions of six live bachelors, one per week, real people, real time. You can choose to simply listen, to ask questions, or to be eligible for a date with the bachelor of your choice. Learn how and when to ask the essential questions, and build your Relationship Toolbelt so you can craft healthy, fulfilling, sustainable relationships!
