The Frustration of Speech
By age 3, typical children have passed predictable milestones on the path to learning language; one of the earliest is babbling. By the first birthday, a typical toddler says words, turns when he or she hears his or her name, points when he or she wants a toy, and when offered something distasteful, makes it clear that the answer is “no.” Speech development in autism takes a different developmental path than in non-autistic children. Some autistics remain mute throughout their lives, while being fully literate and able to communicate in other ways—images, sign language, and typing are far more natural to them. Some infants who later show signs of autism coo and babble during the first few months of life, but stop soon afterwards. Others may be delayed, developing language as late as the teenage years. Still, inability to speak does not mean that autistics are unintelligent or unaware. Once given appropriate accommodations, many will happily converse for hours, and can often be found in online chat rooms, discussion boards, or websites, and even using communication devices at autism-community social events such as Autreat. Those who do speak often use language in unusual ways, retaining features of earlier stages of language development for long periods or throughout their lives. Some speak only single words, while others repeat the same phrase over and over. Some repeat what they hear, a condition called echolalia. Sing-song repetitions in particular are a calming, joyous activity that many autistic adults engage in. Many autistics have a strong tonal sense, and can often understand spoken language better if it is sung to them.
Some children may exhibit only slight delays in language, or even seem to have precocious language and unusually large vocabularies, but have great difficulty in sustaining typical conversations. The “give and take” of conversation is hard for them, although they often carry on a monologue on a favorite subject, giving no one else an opportunity to comment. When given the chance to interact with other autistics, they comfortably do so in “parallel monologue” taking turns expressing views and information. Just as non-autistics are not designed to understand autistic body languages, vocal tones, or phraseology, autistics similarly have trouble with such things in non-autistics. In particular, autistic language abilities tend to be highly literal; non-autistics often inappropriately attribute hidden meaning to what autistics say or expect the autistic to sense such unstated meaning in their own words.
The body language of autistics can be difficult for non-autistics to understand. Facial expressions, movements, and gestures may be easily understood by some other autistics, but do not match those used by non-autistics. Also, their tone of voice has a much more subtle inflection in reflecting their feelings, and the non-autistic’s auditory system often cannot sense the fluctuations. What seems to non-autistic people like a high-pitched, sing-song, or flat, robot-like voice is common in autistic children. Some autistic children with relatively good language skills speak like little adults, rather than communicating at their current age level, which is one of the things that can lead to problems with their peers.
Since non-autistics are often unfamiliar with the autistic body language, and since autistic natural language may not tend towards speech, autistic people often struggle to let others know what they need. As anybody might do in such a situation, they may scream in frustration or resort to grabbing what they want. While waiting for non-autistic people to learn to communicate with them, autistics do whatever they can to get through to them. Communication difficulties may contribute to autistic people becoming socially anxious or depressed.
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Lisa Angelettie, M.S.W., is a psychotherapist, author, and life coach. She has been helping people make smarter life choices since 1998. Get more free tips like this when you subscribe to the GirlShrink newsletter .
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